Wednesday, February 18, 2009

Making Babies


When news of the octuplet mom hit the airwaves, my thoughts flashed back to my own experience with pregnancy. You see, before in-vitro fertilization and other high-tech methods increased the odds, I was among the wretched group of women who had trouble conceiving.



The year of my misery was 1963, I was 25 years old, and in my third year of marriage. At the time, I remember thinking how unfair the world was for it seemed as if every woman who came into view was either pregnant, pushing a baby carriage, or dragging a bawling infant by its pudgy arm. Bellies that looked as if they were concealing pillows, or stomachs resembling basketballs, were at bus stops, in supermarket checkout lines, or on the school faculty where I was teaching at the time.

When we married three years earlier, my husband and I thought it wise to postpone pregnancy so I could work while he finished medical school. First, the diaphragm had been my attempt at barring the door. Next, the miracle of science brought us spontaneity and peace of mind. Oral contraceptives -- The Pill -- changed the landscape. All I had to do was twist the plastic circle, align the calendar disc with its designated 10 mg. dose, drop the tiny pill into my hand, swallow, and let the chemical set up its blockade.

But once my husband completed his internship and residency, I tossed contraceptives into the garbage, coaxed him to bed earlier than usual, and added parenting magazines to my pile of reading material. But. Nothing. Happened. Month after month went by. No swelling of the tummy, no morning nausea, no little boy the image of his father, or bitty girl with her mother’s black hair.

"Maybe it was all the contraceptives I used." I said to my husband. "Maybe the combination of science and technology messed up the natural order of things?"

"Don't be silly," he answered. "Give it more time. You were meant to be a mother, it'll happen."


Meanwhile, although my body declined my quest, I was able to sublimate with the children in my third grade class at a Chicago Public School. It was located in a tough west side neighborhood, but I overcame misgivings with a desire to instill in my adorable tykes a passion for learning.

In my first years of teaching, I used affection, gentle persuasion, and copious praise to tame my 35 students. But everything seemed to change by my third year. The incoming kids seemed to have gotten rowdier, tougher, and less moved by hugs or praise. Some challenged me from the Pledge of Allegiance to the ending bell.


While the majority of my students were age eight or nine, one boy, having flunked several grades, was eleven. "Please sit down," I'd say to him, safe behind my desk. When he'd ignore me and continue to roam the aisles, slamming shut children's books, pushing pencils off desks, or shoving a kid from his seat, I’d catch up to him and attempt a tougher tone. Looking up as he towered over me, I'd growl, "Go back to your seat right now!"

"Who's gonna make me?" he'd say, staring down with his thick arms crossed against his chest. Then he'd laugh, and a few of his cohorts would join in. It was a comical sight, a teacher who'd need a stepstool to reach his height. I was clearly outmatched. Eventually he’d weary of the standoff and saunter back to his seat. Some of the children, clearly disappointed there'd be no bloodshed, could be heard uttering, "Shit."

That was another problem with that year's crop, many of them cursed. Third graders! Children! Often when I lined my class up for a trip -- let's say to the assembly hall -- I could easily hear, "step lively, motherfucker," or "get your big-assed feet off my shoes."

One night during that grim year, as I was getting ready for bed, I looked into the bathroom mirror to see red spots decorating my torso. “Honey, take a look,” I said to my husband. I lifted my nightgown and exposed the bright design that was now beginning to itch.

“Whoa,” he said. “Measles?”

“No, can’t be, I’ve been immunized. I have an appointment with Dr. Hankin, on Saturday. I’ll ask him to take a look.”

“Definitely not measles,” Dr. Hankin said. “Looks to me like it could be stress related. Anything bothering you lately?”

“Well, besides the fact I’m not getting pregnant, and the kids at school are driving me crazy, and more guys my husband’s age are being drafted, I guess I’m doing okay.”

“I think you’ve made the diagnosis,” he said. “We’ve done all the tests on you and your husband, and they’ve all confirmed there’s no physical reason you’re not conceiving. I bet if you quit teaching, you’d get pregnant.”

"From your lips to God's ears," I said. As I reached for my clothing that was hung on the back of the examining room's door, I wondered if I'd ever be blessed to see on that hook a pair of slacks with an elastic waistband, plus a tent-like top that would flow over a swelling stomach.


Soon after that exam, my husband enlisted in the Army, and as an officer drew a choice assignment at Fort Devens, Massachusetts. I quit teaching to accompany him. The moment we arrived, I learned my obstetrician had been spot-on.


Within nine months, I delivered a beautiful baby daughter with black hair the same as her mother and if not the image of her father, close enough to make him ecstatic. And eighteen months later, another daughter easily followed her sister.

So without the aid of fertility clinics, in-vitro, or other laboratory settings, dear Dr. Hankin (now deceased) provided the perfect prescription. I’m not certain it would work for others, but, here’s what I recommend: quit your high-stress job, find some calming activity (yoga perhaps, not the military), and oh yes, send me a birth announcement.

14 comments:

Anonymous said...

That's exactly what happened to me--right after I quit my atrociously stressful NYC job in 2000, I got pregnant!

Candace

Anonymous said...

Very interesting. Funny, I thought you were around 63 yrs old until I did the math of you being 25 in ' 63.

Tony

Anonymous said...

You are a wonderful writer. I can't wait for the next one.
hedy

Danny said...

Love this post, and I thank God those unruly third graders didn't deprive the world of your amazing and talented daughters. I'm still stunned at the classroom you describe. I thought I'd seen it all in schools but...THIRD GRADE? Oy!

I don't think reducing stress would have helped in our case so I'm grateful for the advancements in fertility treatments since the 60s. And I hope you have a little of that yummy grandma energy to spare come July!

faith soloway said...

thank god you quit teaching. wonderful story mama. funny that i teach now too...faithy

Anonymous said...

great story, Fern

Anonymous said...

Hi Elaine: Thanks for keeping me in tune with your writing. Ah, how I recall the days, when everyone was concerned about getting pregnant, what will pregnancy be like, who miscarried, how many years apart to conceive, and all the ensuing worries. You brought it all back into my conscious mind.
Marlene

Anonymous said...

Glad your story had a happy ending.
Beverly

jill lion said...

"step lively, motherfucker," and "get your big-assed feet off my shoes."-- my two favorite lines!xo

Anonymous said...

GREAT!
R

Anonymous said...

"Hi Elaine,
A wonderfully, touching story. You really know how to nail your feelings.

Warm regards,
Robb"

Anonymous said...

Your blogs are alays so interesting. Thanks
Aunt Jackie

Anonymous said...

I loved this, Elaine! I read it on the plane and chuckled my way through it -- so colorful and fun. Thank you for letting me know. More please!
Carol

Anonymous said...

Hi Elaine,

When I read your last essay I remember thinking that your daughter's dad was right in telling you that you were meant to be a mother for your daughters were raised with a terrific sense of autonomy, an appreciation of freedom many or most of us did not know. Because I was the "baby," my folks were looser with me and more appreciative of my quirks. Still like you I was my daddy's girl.
Janie